Hey there, good morning beautiful world!
Today is a unique day already, my gosh...Well, not the usually smooth experience getting to work.
Why?
I took my car for service yesterday and thus I don't have my car this morning for my usual commute to work. This has happened before for prior services and so I had envisioned that I would take a taxi as usual and reach work normally.
However, it was not the case!
The first taxi I hailed refused to bring me to Jebel Ali as they are currently in great construction. I was very distraught, upset and disappointed. I wanted to cry...I've been refused by Taxi drivers before due to either too short distance, or too much traffic, whatever stupid f'ing excuse - it never feels good and doesn't seem to get easier for me to stomach, although I did not actually release any tears - at least, lol.
The 2nd cab also expressed hesitation and doubt however less adamantly so; he mentioned "there is a lot of traffic, blah blah blah you can take metro, better" - I did not say anything and let him drive. There were no words for me to reply as
(1) I was already feeling emotional, jittery and didn't want to actually break down in tears OR snap with a mad woman's rage which has easily happened on necessary occasions. I am all about healthfully standing up for yourself and defending your right but in this case I wanted to reach the office in a graceful, peaceful state of mind and being - not a hot mess; AND
(2) I felt no desire whatsoever to have to convince anyone of anything or debate on the best mode of transport; I need you to take me to X destination, this is your job, you are getting paid for it, period. Yalla.
Anyhow, the experience was quite different than what I am used to and it left me feeling a bit off kilter. I feel jittery, emotional, like I want to bawl! That's so funny, though, bc there's no need for it. In fact, perhaps I am just being *hormonal*...there are such days and it is not necessarily because of the monthly cycle.
Sometimes, every couple of months I have a day of this like deep sadness or weird anger...when I just want to bawl, cry out loud and etc. Well, that's not really what i want to indulge or enhance. What I really want is feel good, relaxed, at peace, calm...happy and easy-going. Perhaps I am in need of a nap...and my cortisol is particularly elevated.
Since this weekend, Friday and Saturday, I woke up feeling fine yet within next 15-30mins of getting up and preparing my coffee, food, morning ritual...I felt sort of BLAH. However, on Friday it was dissipated since we had a lovely picnic in the park with friends and that was most joyful.
Yesterday Saturday I also felt a tired all over my body - I felt sort of lost, and confused...partly bc I had to take my car early morn to service and I just had this overall kind of lack of directionality or deep in-ness with the moment. I dropped the car for svc and came back home to take the towels out to dry. Fortunately, the day was quite active and it was so wonderful to be spending it with friends at a house BBQ and also on a date which was very nice.
These days I find I'm improving in my ability to cope with times when my mood seems to be off...I just tell myself, "Hang on, it'll be over soon." And I start counting to distract myself_1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8...
It works.
The truth is today I feel emotional, sensitive and edgy. I hope it will pass soon. I want to sleep deeply, peacefully and soundly tonight. I want to live today calmly and successfully.
I want to be joyous with the things that ARE.
I am constantly reminding myself of my multiple, countless, incredible blessings. Simple things like having plenty of drinkable water at my disposal, being able to exercise, having a healthy, strong and vibrant body; eating nutritiously; having a lovely apartment to call my own where I can enjoy my time.
However, I will accept and acknowledge that today (as always) I am where I am...And where am I? Feeling sensitive, feeling emotional, feeling like crying so, so very much. It's crazy.
I know it will pass eventually. It is the contrast of feeling good vs. feeling blah that reminds me how terrific it is to feel good.
I am where I am. Hang on it'll be over soon...
ps. I am always thankful for my car...I miss you, Ford Fiesta. See you l8r :-)
Today is a unique day already, my gosh...Well, not the usually smooth experience getting to work.
Why?
I took my car for service yesterday and thus I don't have my car this morning for my usual commute to work. This has happened before for prior services and so I had envisioned that I would take a taxi as usual and reach work normally.
However, it was not the case!
The first taxi I hailed refused to bring me to Jebel Ali as they are currently in great construction. I was very distraught, upset and disappointed. I wanted to cry...I've been refused by Taxi drivers before due to either too short distance, or too much traffic, whatever stupid f'ing excuse - it never feels good and doesn't seem to get easier for me to stomach, although I did not actually release any tears - at least, lol.
The 2nd cab also expressed hesitation and doubt however less adamantly so; he mentioned "there is a lot of traffic, blah blah blah you can take metro, better" - I did not say anything and let him drive. There were no words for me to reply as
(1) I was already feeling emotional, jittery and didn't want to actually break down in tears OR snap with a mad woman's rage which has easily happened on necessary occasions. I am all about healthfully standing up for yourself and defending your right but in this case I wanted to reach the office in a graceful, peaceful state of mind and being - not a hot mess; AND
(2) I felt no desire whatsoever to have to convince anyone of anything or debate on the best mode of transport; I need you to take me to X destination, this is your job, you are getting paid for it, period. Yalla.
Anyhow, the experience was quite different than what I am used to and it left me feeling a bit off kilter. I feel jittery, emotional, like I want to bawl! That's so funny, though, bc there's no need for it. In fact, perhaps I am just being *hormonal*...there are such days and it is not necessarily because of the monthly cycle.
Sometimes, every couple of months I have a day of this like deep sadness or weird anger...when I just want to bawl, cry out loud and etc. Well, that's not really what i want to indulge or enhance. What I really want is feel good, relaxed, at peace, calm...happy and easy-going. Perhaps I am in need of a nap...and my cortisol is particularly elevated.
I feel my nerves on edge...Not sure why.
Yesterday Saturday I also felt a tired all over my body - I felt sort of lost, and confused...partly bc I had to take my car early morn to service and I just had this overall kind of lack of directionality or deep in-ness with the moment. I dropped the car for svc and came back home to take the towels out to dry. Fortunately, the day was quite active and it was so wonderful to be spending it with friends at a house BBQ and also on a date which was very nice.
These days I find I'm improving in my ability to cope with times when my mood seems to be off...I just tell myself, "Hang on, it'll be over soon." And I start counting to distract myself_1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8...
It works.
The truth is today I feel emotional, sensitive and edgy. I hope it will pass soon. I want to sleep deeply, peacefully and soundly tonight. I want to live today calmly and successfully.
I want to be joyous with the things that ARE.
I am constantly reminding myself of my multiple, countless, incredible blessings. Simple things like having plenty of drinkable water at my disposal, being able to exercise, having a healthy, strong and vibrant body; eating nutritiously; having a lovely apartment to call my own where I can enjoy my time.
However, I will accept and acknowledge that today (as always) I am where I am...And where am I? Feeling sensitive, feeling emotional, feeling like crying so, so very much. It's crazy.
I know it will pass eventually. It is the contrast of feeling good vs. feeling blah that reminds me how terrific it is to feel good.
I am where I am. Hang on it'll be over soon...
 |
| The Ups & Downs of Hormones. Image by: Kareem Iliya. Source: http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/dealing-with-hormones-00000000029960/ |
ps. I am always thankful for my car...I miss you, Ford Fiesta. See you l8r :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment