Ready for Change, Not Ready for Change...Tip to Resolve Identity Conflict

What did I learn this week?

My week in review...

Looking back on this marvelous week I realize there are so many valuable learnings that I would otherwise miss if I did not take a moment to pause, reflect and consider the insights and moments that have possibly advanced me towards my goals, developed my character and enhanced the richness and quality of life.

What about you?
Perhaps you can take a moment to reflect on where you extracted the most value from these  days.

What made the biggest difference? What did you enjoy? Where did you evolve? Or where did you get stuck?

Often times it is in the moments of confusion and murkiness that we discover more clearly than ever what we want and who we really are.

As most of the time is spent at the office, the bulk of learning and evolution tends to arise from this area. There is key learning in interpersonal relations and specifically from the Coaching Sessions I conducted. Some of the lessons included:

• The peace that comes from letting go of the past and focusing on the future;
• Focusing on the Present, or the Now;

• Shift from blaming others to assuming on more personal responsibility;
• Embracing more self-confidence which improves work performance and self-esteem;
• Development of new resources such as: Gratitude, self-care, and a broader perspective.

Identity Conflict

Internal Conflict when Changing Beliefs

As a person embarks on the path to self-development and self-improvement there are old beliefs about identity (those pesky limiting beliefs) that inevitably begin to change.

This change entails gaining more clarity about the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to lead. As you begin to generate new, more empowering resources and beliefs aligned with the desired outcomes, you gradually shed old notions of identity. Once you've successfully installed new, more resourceful beliefs the old ones no longer seem to fit - similar to a pair of shoes that you've outgrown.

However, even when a person is completely aligned to change there are moments when one undergoes moments of confusion and hesitation in shifting from the "old me" to the "new me".
This happen whereby the client is excited about instilling a new, empowering belief in identity and yet it means potentially shattering the expectations of others - the image that no longer serves her.

The external world, including family, friends, peers, etc. must update their map of who they perceive you to be, and change is not easy for everyone especially when they have been used to having you a certain way in their lives.

Everyone need not understand the the changes - it is called "personal" development as it is indeed a personal and private journey.

 

Overcome Fear about Identity Change

Tip: Simple Pros & Cons List

 - Take the new belief you want to grow into, or the thing you fear would result from the new belief. And state it in a simple straight-forward sentence. 

Example: 

New Belief: I put myself first before all others. 

Fear Thought from New Belief: I am afraid of being arrogant or too selfish.

- Write out the Pros of embracing this new belief. Make the list complete and honest.

- Then write out the cons (on the other side of the Pros list) or perceived negative aspects of the new belief. In other words, what would happen if the Fear Thought were true.

- Take each Con and assess how realistic or true that Con is or could be. 

Talk through it and evaluate how you can employ your personal resources in that given situation. 

For instance, a perceived Con "I will hurt others if I put myself first and if I say 'No' when this works for me."

The Resource(s) you can identify to match this potential scenario include: Good Communicator, Diplomatic, amiable, respectful, tactful, fair, objective.

In other words, you have these empowering resources that can be applied perfectly in those situations that would require you to say 'No' or to choose what is best for you, and perhaps not to the other person's convenience. There are times in life when we all have to say 'No'.

This is where the qualities of being objective and fair and conscientious would comfort you in knowing that you can make balanced decisions from a place of fairness and consideration for the broader picture, and also bearing in mind that you are the center of your Universe and if you're not happy, the rest of your world will not fare much better.

When we feel happy about ourselves, we exude that joy and the rest of our life experience is infused with this positive hue.

- When you have finished going through the Cons List and feel satisfied you have matched it with enough positive Empowering Resources you've done the work!

The client (or you) should finish with a sense of ease, relief and enthusiasm, knowing that they can be happy and it is not to the detriment of the rest of the world.

It is not a zero-sum game; 

Life is win-win scenario and there are more than enough resources for everyone to thrive.

:-)

Thanks and wishing you peace, love and blessings xx- Jen