Effectively Manage Your Emotions at Work (or anywhere!) - A re-adapted NLP Process

Are you a Sensitive or Emotional member of your team or group? Or do you work with such a sensitive/emotional individual(s). There is a high likelihood that you do.

In either case, along our professional development and journey we have all found ourselves in a situation in the work setting where emotions got the best of you or someone else. Perhaps this entailed a manifestation of explosive emotion, or an experience of deep discomfort, upset, anger, frustration, or indignation. Regardless of the felt emotion, these scenarios resonate with every single member of the human race, for as humans we are most certainly feeling and sensing creatures, and this sensing/feeling quality does not necessarily switch off at work.

In fact, emotion can sometimes deepen and reveal itself in the workplace in ways we had not considered possible - and this is most reasonable when you consider that we spend a significant bulk of our day at work. Indeed, it is no wonder that a sizable chunk of our personality will express itself in the workplace. Add to this the fact that work can generate stress via its multiple, diverse demands from different stakeholders, different priorities, and personal preferences - it is a like a colossal soup of goals, projects, personalities, emotions and perspectives, and somehow the components of this mixed-ingredient soup need to combine in just the suitably harmonious combinations in order to yield a palatable end product - a delicious soup i.e. fruitful results in the office.

There needs to be some degree of harmony and complementarity between the ingredients in order to generate a satisfying soup. In the same way, there needs to be a degree of flow and synergy in human relations, and thus a management of the emotions of each participant in each working relationship.

As we cannot manage anyone elses emotions it behooves us to assume responsibility for our own emotions and to learn effective State Management, or effective management of our emotions.
If our emotions are an undeniable and powerful trait that makes us discerning beings, how can we work with it? What can you do the next time you experience difficult emotions at work? This article will provide a specific NLP-based (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) tool that is already in your 'toolbox', which you are now activating by reading these words. It will help you to effectively manage your emotions when encountering difficult situations and peers at work.

Take a step back, literally - Assume a different perceptual position.

• If you can, physically disengage/remove yourself from the situation that is generating your internal discomfort, frustration, emotional state, etc. and go to a place where you can be alone. Perhaps close the door of your office for privacy or go to an empty meeting room, or simply go to the bathroom - all you need is a clear spce where you can be alone.

In that area, stand where you are and call this "Position 1". Position 1 represents that troubling situation.

• Now imagine there is another circle to your right. Call this Position 2.

Take a step to the right and move into Position 2 - acknowledge that in this new space you (i.e. Bob) have removed yourself from the situation (Position 1) and you are now an outside observer of Position 1 i.e. the situation and you in that situation.

• From Position 2, look at yourself (look at Bob) in Position 1. Take a breath and look at what is happening there. Describe the situation and the unfolding of the scene. What was said specifically and what transpired in Position 1 that upsetting or uncomfortable?

 

How does Bob in Position 1 feel? Ask yourself the questions: "What has been actually said? What is being asked? What is really going on here? Where is Bob assuming or interpreting or Mind Reading?"

As much as you can, stick to a narrative told in the voice of an outside observer.
As you deliberately disassemble the situation in a more levelheaded manner, you can begin to identify what is bothering you from a more objective perspective.

The simple act of physically moving yourself into a new space (Position 2), and then studying what happened, will help you tremendously in gaining some composure and greater clarity. As you dismantle the scene you regain a sense of control and thus you feel slightly better than you did before. Feeling better and calm will undoubtedly enable you to respond to any situation in a more resourceful manner.

• Lastly, in Position 2 ask yourself: "How do I want to feel?" Identify your desired internal state - how you want to feel when you move back into the situation, which you will have to do soon enough.

AND: What is the single thing Bob could do, moving forward in this situation, that will help him continue with his day with his desired state? This action must be feasible within the work context and it would not involve or impact anyone else - it is designed for your personal, internal and private improvement of personal emotion. This desired state could be ease, peace of mind, indifference, acceptance, clarity, etc. Only you know how you want to feel which will be better than how you were when you started this exercise.

• Once you identify your desired state and then identify the 1 step or thing that you can do right away that will generate this desired state (ease, peace, acceptance, etc.) take a moment to see yourself doing that 1 thing...Close your eyes and visualize yourself moving into that picture doing the action and see yourself feeling better. What is your facial expression? How are you sitting? How are you talking and how are you breathing? Fully engage with that image of yourself for 30 seconds at least.

With this image clear in your mind's eye, open your eyes and go back to work. You've already charted your steps and you've decided how you want to feel. Everyone can have their win-win...the key is to focus on how you want to feel regardless of the external factors which you cannot control.

Step back into your situation and allow yourself to move forward with ease and more clarity about how you want to feel (without attaching to people or factors) and focus on that feeling. You are bound to succeed. It only requires a few minutes of your time, identifying a better feeling and then focusing on it whilst engaging these 2 simple perceptual positions.

 

Conclusion:

So the next time you are at work and you have the unique opportunity to feel an emotion that is not ideal for you, try these steps -

Before reacting take a breath, remove yourself from the situation and go somewhere where you can be alone.

Identify Position 1, then move into Position 2.
Look at the circumstance of Position 1, see yourself there. Describe the scene and realize that you can remove yourself from the issue, and thus you regain control, composure and better manage your internal state, which is the most that anyone can do regardless of the conditions.

Finally, identify your desired state and what is the 1 thing that you can reasonably do (at work) that will support you in feeling better (the desired state). Then Visualize yourself doing that 1 thing and see yourself receiving the immense benefit of the simple action. Focus on that vision. Then go back to your day and continue about your business.

Congratulations! You have just dismantled a strong internal bomb and have replaced it with more clarity, focus and self-empowerment. Bravo!