Sharing my life with Someone Special

Your question:

What can I do to attract my perfect partner into my life?

Your Answer:

Consider the path of:

FORGIVENESS

By forgiving others you will also be able to forgive yourself. Then success is assured.

Gosh, wouldn't it be lovely and nice to share my life and living space with my life partner? Yes it sure would.

New Beginning & Rocky Emotions

Dear God,

This week has been one of change and a lot of emotions- I know through this contrast more of what I want…and I what I like.

I like being supported, I love the friendly smiles of all my friends - the candid conversation.

I really want to appreciate my new work station. I feel that everything is happening for the best even though the in-the-moment tension is unusual and uncomfortable for me. I am learning about new situations and how I react to them. At some point we have to make a decision and take a side - our own side. You cannot be everything to all, and anyways you don't really want that since it's not important.

I am choosing my own side and my convenience. I am upgrading to this new space. There is more privacy, concentration, focus and peace.

I can focus on the nice cards I've received from my family, on the peace and ease of cool air, I still have the internet and I can watch my iPad videos. It's a fresh start and new beginning. Also, it is a reminder to not get too complacent with where I am and perhaps a signal that I will eventually move on so better not to get too cosy. :)

I am glad we had this available desk where I could shift. Isn't it funny how something so simple and small can become so big just because one person refuses to inconvenience them self?

Anyways, I want to continue feeling good and to continue attracting better situations, thoughts and people. As I enter this new stage I remember the tough past times and how it was similar rocky transitions. It is only for a while until it becomes customary and usual.

I want to repel those people whose energy and attitude don't contribute to my greater joy and wellbeing. Those negative attitudes really hurt my feelings but alas there is nothing I can do to control another's attitude, behavior or treatment. I can best try to focus on my own positivity. I've done everything right and if that still yields not the happy relationship then it is simply not meant to be and that's the way it's meant to go.

Making peace with what is…It is easier said than done. It's more a matter of daily practice and remembering these words, shifting inner gaze to the things more desired and joyous.

Those things that are in sync with our own vibration. 

An intense day…Thank God it's the Weekend

Lo-Carb day, I'm feeling more successful about sticking  to lower carbs today, and I think I will hit my Protein targets. It's been tough today and draining overall because I've been attending a Committee meeting and thus constantly "ON". I woke at 5am, hit gym at 6am, workout 6:15-7:15am and jetted to work to reach by 8:30am. Thank goodness all days are full of variety - keeps things interesting and the contrast really highlights to me what I like and what I don't like. I really love my freedom, space, movement, being free during the day and breathing fresh air.

All the while I realize this is called 'work' for good reason. Not each day is necessarily a walk in the park. In any case, I am really lucky I can have a job, be around successful people, and that I am playing a part in this more expansive scenery or movie of life.

I have been accompanied all day and thus my prayers to not feel alone have indeed been answered.

I am just wanting relief, a break - respite.

Again, I am learning more what is wanted and unwanted.

I'm also thankful I have such wonderful friends who were able to be with me during lunch and with whom I was able to freely vent my tension and frustration.

It's been a good week, and this is like the climax, crescendo and peak of it - fitting ending.

Thank goodness it's the weekend. I have several great things to anticipate and mainly it's a matter of keeping on going and just being in the moment at each turn. Constantly I am reminded that I seek to feel good, I want to feel good.
 
Today I reached on time, safely, I ate nutritious food, spent time with friends, worked out my triceps, and I slept well last night, I can look forward to an evening of ease.

I choose to believe that it's working out for the best; perfect timing. I am in the right place at the right time. Reminding myself of this helps a little. I can only control my attitude and reaction to the circumstances when I cannot control the situation itself.

Rollerblading, Fat Loss & Supplements

This morning I slept a little longer, indulging in 1 extra hour of slumber, and went rollerblading - it's a rest day from my weight training split.

It has been such a long time - several months - since I went rollerblading and I was indeed missing the sunshine, the fresh air, the friendly faces of other walkers and joggers, and the exhilaration of rolling and flying with the wind. The peacefulness, beauty, and ease of the morning, the undisturbed ambiance, is serene and majestic. Precious.

Rollerblading is a wonderful alternative cardio exercise if you want to save your knees from the repetitive impact of jogging. It definitely tones the legs, working hamstrings, quads and outer thighs - the beloved saddlebags.

Mostly I find it fun - gliding along with the music, skating along the marina, the birds soaring overhead, the beautiful blue buildings dotting the skyline - an experience beyond life as a pedestrian.

Physiologically, rollerblading is particularly good at activating grey matter in the spinal region - neurons and matter that factor into balance and coordination.

gray matter n.

1. Brownish-gray nerve tissue, especially of the brain and spinal cord, composed of nerve cell bodies and their dendrites and some supportive tissue.

[http://www.thefreedictionary.com/gray+matter]

All in all, I'm so deeply grateful and thankful that I learned to rollerblade when I was a young girl, elementary school, back in New York. I used to go around the blocks with my friends from class who also lived nearby. We had tons of fun, and I remember the falls, the heart-chilling hills and pavement bumps...Wow, so nice.

It goes to show that everything has a beginning and that which you learn early in life can stay with you and enhance the quality of your life for years to come.

Taken further, it means that learning something new today can carry on into your future years and allow you to enjoy an enhanced quality of life.

I also remember when I learned to rollerblade with a cousin in Colombia, around that same age I suppose. It was a typically brilliant, sunny day and we went to a huge arena to skate at the running track. I took some lessons, they had us do drills and exercises to practice lowering the body on skates and doing the swerves around orange cones. I remember my cousin Christina, a lovely, light girl 17 years old - the beautiful teenager the young girls admire, idolize and want to emulate when we 'grow up'. She seemed so skilled and graceful on her skates. I realize now that I've fulfilled that dream too.

////

Supplements, Fat-Burning & Training:

Two days ago I came across an interesting article in Flex magazine online:

 

8 Ways to Burn More Fat | FLEX Online

http://www.flexonline.com/nutrition/supplements/fat-burning/8-ways-burn-more-fat#sthash.eIAoUTrn

This one piqued my curiosity and for good reason. It revealed some new tips and tricks (at least to me), to promote fat burning via boosting the metabolism.

The main ones I liked and have started to include in my daily life include:

• CARB CYCLING - Every 4-5 days I will have a Hi-Carb day, with the remaining days high protein, moderate fat, and low-carb. I had already read and learned about this technique and I had just not been focused enough to apply it. Since I've been tracking my food intake, and macros, paying attention to all these details, I am now ready and more confident with the Carb-Cycling approach. It takes more time and effort and to me it's interesting and well worth giving it a shot. 

I used Jamie Eason's site on Bodybuilding.com to calculate the specifics for me and they are:

Lo-Carb/Hi-Protein: Total  Cal = 1300

Carb = 65g (20%), Protein = 182g (55%), Fat = 35g (25%)

Hi-Carb/Lo-Protein: Total Cal = 1300

Carb = 163g (50%), Protein = 114g (30%), Fat = 22g (20%)

Yesterday was the first day I tried it out and it was new since I've been consistently maintaining low-carb and high protein as it is. It was actually an effort to start including higher carb foods - the trick is to eat healthy sources such as oats, lentils, sweet potato and fruits (esp bananas) rather than sugary, processed, refined foods which are also potent source of carbs yet not as nutritiously dense.

I didn't hit all my macros - more protein, less carbs and OK fat however overall it was a good first attempt, and next time will be on Saturday for a LEGS session - yay! PERFECT TIMING IS AWESOME.

Next.

• L-TYROSINE: An amino acid that supports the thyroid by converting T4 (moderately calorie burning thyroid hormone) into T3 (more potent calorie burning). I don't have further research on this and it would be sensible to dig further about it; for time being I will take it face value and allow it to be beneficial information at my disposal.

 Went to the supp store that same night and picked up a bottle of L-Tyrosine, 500mg. The label indicates it support brain neurotransmitter functioning and well being. Sounds good to me - if I can boost my metabolism AND have improved brain performance that's double greatness. 

Starting yesterday I took 1000mg pre-workout and so far, so good.

• L-CARNITINE: specifically, stack carnitine, BCAAs and caffeine pre-workout to protect muscle mass, especially if you do fasted cardio or cardio after weights. I have a coffee pre-WO anyways so the main tweak here is to resume L-Carnitine. I had taken it about 1 year ago and then stopped when I went through a period of staying off supps to cleanse my liver. However, now feels like a suitable time to re-incoporate it.

• COOK WITH GARLIC (or take a supp):  garlic stimulates adrenaline which in turn breaks down fat; it promotes Uncoupling Proteins which increase calorie burning; and control cortisol levels. Last night I cooked with almost 1/3 cup of garlic...let's see how long I keep it up before the garlic breath gets to me and i decide on odorless pills instead.

The other ideas were eating more protein, eat more fish, take creatine and Fenugreek as an herb which can blunt blood sugar rises. I already eat high protein & fish daily so no need there. Creatine causes water storage in the cells (thus the bulkier look most guys are going for, but not me) so I won't need that; and fenugreek - well, I will probably try cooking with fenugreek in the near future however for time being I am taking Apple Cider Vinegar tabs and Chromium, both of which work towards metabolizing glucose, maintaining steady low blood sugar levels (no spikes), so that fat and glucose are utilized for energy and hormones remain stable. It basically main I don't feel right now I need to tack on yet another tool for the same objective.

MY SUPPLEMENTS:

Whenever incoporating a new supplement regime, workout plan or eating plan, it's generally said to give it time - at least 30 days. I'll do that...focusing on these particular elements in addition to the other supps I've been taking:

AM, Empty Stomach:

- Vit D

- Hyaluronic Acid (for joint lubrication, eye and cell regeneration)

- Pro-Biotic

- Now also L Carnitine

Between & With Meals:

- Oil of Oregano (oil droplets)

- Glucosamine Chondroitin

- Chromium Picolinate

- Apple Cider Vinegar

- L'Arginine (sometimes)

- L'Leucine (sometimes)

- Raspberry Ketones

Pre-Bedtime:

- 5 HTP

- Magnesium (1g)

- Valerian Root

I also have:

- Borage Oil (nerve cell repair)

- Huperzine A (memory, brain functioning)

- Vit C + Rosehips (immunity + antioxidant)

- Astragalus  (immunity)

- Zinc (antioxidant)

You can imagine what my cupboard looks like!
Not to mention the protein powders: ON Hydro Whey, 2 tubs of Natural Factors Whey (Green Tea & Vanilla), ON Casein chocolate, Garden of Life Raw Protein Powder and finally Blue Bonnet Post-Workout Protein Powder (choco).

Protein, protein, protein, and more protein!!! =)

I try to cycle things and I don't take all every day - that would be excessive, especially considering that each one has fillers: Magnesium Stearate, vegetable glycerin and others.

Some say that supps are just a business and money-making scheme, that they are not actually helpful. Others, normally the users, rely on them to boost their efforts - whether that be brain functioning, athletic performance, fat loss, immunity or whatever the intent may be. Both true.

I prefer getting my nutrients from whole foods, however, we just cannot eat enough of certain foods to receive the concentrated dose of supplements. I just try to keep it balanced and somewhat moderate while accepting that I take more than the average person, although not more than the average fitness lover or bodybuilder (defo not!).

These items are made in labs and thus natural, 1-ingredient foods will always, always, always be preferable and more wholesome. Nevertheless, just how much white fish can you eat for the protein it contains before you grow some scales and swim off into the Indian Ocean?? Or for that matter, how many eggs can you eat before you start growing feathers :) I consume so many egg whites I joke about having my own farm to get some real grass-fed eggs. Maybe my future husband will own a little plot of farmland to nourish us!

Nevertheless...

I feel the difference when I take certain supps and thus conclude that they can be beneficial, taken in proper dosage and with a clear understanding of your baseline levels in terms of whether you are addressing a deficiency.

Continuous experimentation - self-experimentation - is the name of the game and that is also a fun & stimulting part of life. 

 

Step into the Lab of Life!

moderately calorie burning thyroid hormone called T4 into a more potent calorie burning one called T3 - See more at: http://www.flexonline.com/nutrition/supplements/fat-burning/8-ways-burn-more-fat?page=5#sthash.pqwzeEQH.dpuf

The amino acid tyrosine is also effective in turning a moderately calorie burning thyroid hormone called T4 into a more potent calorie burning one called T3. Three thousand mg of L-tyrosine taken before training or cardio will do the trick. - See more at: http://www.flexonline.com/nutrition/supplements/fat-burning/8-ways-burn-more-fat?page=5#sthash.pqwzeEQH.dpuf

Relationships - The end-all, be-all?

Deep down, do I really want a relationship?

Why do we seek relationships beyond basic family and friendship?

The topic of amorous/romantic Relationship seems to be a central pivotal topic for almost 95% of humanity. Perhaps it is indeed the biological urge to procreate; the innate drive to connect and socialize; a fixed remaining trait from the biblical story of Adam & Eve, the pairing concept - that is, if you believe in that particular faith. No matter what the religion, relationship and coupling is a consistent theme and seems to be what makes the world go round.

Of course this applies to me - I think about a relationship for me every day in one way or another. Whether it be by acknowledging I'm attracted to someone; or by feeling satisfied and happy with life and thus sensing that maybe I don't need a relationship to feel "whole"; or by hearing the stories and conversing with friends who themselves are facing similar lack of intimacy or having someone special.

In any case, I've had a rocky road on my journey to emotional self-discovery in terms of relationships. Since High School I desperately felt a calling in my soul to have someone special, a Boyfriend, yet it did not happen them. Through college I met a few guys, went on a few dates but nothing lasting or heart-moving. Then post-college I had a few boyfriends as well, more significant and especially 2-3 guys who remain the two most vivid examples of how I am in a real relationship.

Ironically, the 2 more significant relationships were experienced with two men who were dramatically opposite from each other in terms of how we had a relationship. With one guy it was perfect, enjoyable, loving and sweet; with the other, it was passionate, extreme, difficult, uncertain, confusing, and familiar. With the former, it ended because I was obliged to leave the country where he lived and ultimately the long-distance setup was not what I wanted.

For the latter, it ended because of very different socio-economic and cultural backgrounds. When we first met and throughout our time together we had incredible passion and attraction. In my eyes he was the most handsome man in the universe - I felt butterflies in my tummy whenever I saw him. It was really something unique for my heart. However, there were oceans between us in terms of communication, life conditions and where we were in our respective lives. It's like we were on different planets with much too different backgrounds, families and ingrained mindsets...trying to connect and make it work to no avail. It lasted 1.5 year, we lived together which was a first for me, and it was a special experience indeed.

Eventually we separated without any official break-up. He lost his job, took his things, left Dubai and later came back to the UAE. After several months of no communication I was no longer open to allowing him back into my life because the pain of his first departure was too great, and I already felt that with the strong habits of the past, it could happen again. My heart is great however it is too soft in love, and another pain like that would be disastrous and take up precious energy and time of my well-being which I value and enjoy much more.

All of this to say that it has been 5 months since I last saw him or communicated with him. Five months doesn't seem like a terribly long time considering the depth of my feelings however it's a very helpful duration that has allowed for distance, growth and my evolution. Now I am at an incredibly advanced place emotionally and I have emerged from that experience stronger, full of courage and full of more self-loved than I have ever known.

I've forgiven us both for all the different ways in which we may have hurt each other. In the end, we only hurt ourselves in these situations. Sometimes we seek drama and enjoy it, like a drug and the addict, and if I am honest with myself a part of me was really drawn to the drama - it made me feel alive.

Happy Moving On!

The momentum of life is to move forward, evolve, progress and adapt to change.

I feel really glad and grateful about moving on with my feelings and letting go of the past. I want to continue loving myself, loving my life and loving the wonderful friends and family in my surroundings. I count my blessings each day, and I cannot count them all because there are so many! That is really a precious gift of life and the Universe.

And so, having gone through this internal self-strengthening journey I realize that I am whole, I feel complete, I have great joy and love in my life. It stems firstly from me - and that in turn attracts it towards me, bees to the honey :) Law of Attraction in action.

There are moments where I think that I am missing out on that special connection, and well, in reality I am still waiting for it. Then again, I realize the most important connection is with myself and being OK with all that is.

Sometimes we put too many expectations on the fictional other which they cannot realistically fulfill, or else they have those qualities but there are other issues or unexpected surprise aspects of sharing with them.

And so, my main philosophy right now is to live in the moment, appreciate this very moment as it is and to make peace with what is. Accepting the boring moments, the routine, the repetition, and temporary lows. It also means more joyously embracing the happy times I have now with friends and loved ones. Sometimes we are waiting and waiting for X to happen to be happy, and then it finally happens and one of two things happens, or both:
1) We experience initial euphoria and elation, satisfaction and joy and then it wears off
2) It is not such a big deal as we expected and you realize it brings up other complications

It means that so often we are delaying our own joy in the wait for a future great thing to happen which is not in our control - there is no way to know if it will happen. You take it on Faith.

And thus, it may or may not happen...
We should appreciate this moment now and make peace with what IS. Enjoy it, embrace it, allow it...Be Ok, be strong, be courageous, be YOU, be with the people you already love and who already love you, and spend all your time doing the things you love or thinking about when and how you do things you love.

That is all I can do. And that is a lot!

It is creating, molding, adoring, respecting, valuing and connecting with my reality and inner truth. 

Allowing, being, doing and loving...It is my intention to take it one day at a time and seek my joy.

I even feel gratitude I can express myself in these words and share my creativity with the world.

xx :)

The Meaning of Life (poem by J.Arcila, 14 Feb 2014)

The Beauty is that I can change my mind
there is no right way or wrong way or single, solitary path
there are many versions and possibilities all within reach
sitting on the cusp of each potential, we decide in a second how it will unfold
Little Gods creating reality.

The beauty is I can ebb and flow, and be vague
like the brave ocean waves that never relent
Unpredictable, potent and mystical
all these contradictions in one mind simply astound.

The eternal beauty is that this cycle continues,
each day is slightly similar but ultimately different
and ultimately the same
Nonetheless, we want to live, thrive, create value and have significance.

That is the beauty
Constancy of life that is beyond us and with us.
Our faithful companion til death do us part
We came to learn, do, think, be and feel
That is the meaning of life.

by J.Arcila, 14Feb2014

Mauritius Island - Vacation in August 2013 :)

Dream Analysis: Purple Mustang Charger comes crashing down

It's finally Thursday and I am really looking forward to a nice two days of personal, flexible, enjoyable time.

Last night I had a really curious and odd dream.
I was in a car with two other people, unsure of their identity. We were on the ground level and looking up at a hill with jagged cliffs and ledges. There was a purple Mustang Charger making its way up the jagged ledges (impossible in real life however it's a dream). It was charging up the jagged mountain however pulling behind it with a metal chain a Black Grand Piano. It is was slinking its way up the mountain, miraculously.
In my head, seated in the car as a spectator I thought, "We should probably move out of here in case it comes crashing down," and "it's probably going to start crashing down soon...Why are we will here so calmly?"

Eventually, when the car had seemed to almost reach the peek the piano sort of started to get all crazy and started to bounce around like a wild animal. Bizarre. Of course the weight and force of the piano pulled the car back and the car ledge by ledge started to crash from side to side, coming down and down. I could feel the impending brute force coming on us to crush us however I still was curious, thinking - "Perhaps it won't hit us...perhaps we'll be fine even if it does crash on us."

Then the inevitable happened - the car reached us. It had gained momentum and with such force finally crashed and crushed us. At this point my dream vision went black, there was a brief moment of darkness where I thought, "Is this all?"

I then woke up and turned to the other side of the bed...went back to sleep as best I could.

~~

I just checked on the meaning of different symbols and this is what I found for the main 3 symbols:

Purple:

* Purple is indicative of devotion, healing abilities, loving, kindness, and compassion. It is also the color of royalty, high rank, justice, wealth and dignity.

* Indigo is the colour of heightened spirituality and Divine guidance and protection.

* The color purple is the color of the imagination and spirituality

In-depth: http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-purple.html

* Meaning: Nobility of purpose, spiritual leadership, spiritual teaching, regal, power, authority in spiritual matters

Car:

 "The car is a classic symbol of motivation, and reflects whether or not you are feeling autonomous as you move forward in life. If you are driving and the vehicle is out of control, you may be questioning the choices you are making. If you are riding as a passenger, you may not recognize how you are not taking the reins of responsibility for where you are going. You have given power over to the person driving the vehicle and may be needlessly blaming them for failing. If it is a parent driving you, there may be unconscious attitudes or criticisms you have adopted that are holding you back or diminishing your self-esteem.

Vehicle dreams suggest how you feel about your forward movement. If the car is parked, you may have put your sense of direction on hold while you explore new opportunity. The type of vehicle, it's condition, and whether or not you are driving, in control or being driven, will portray your present sense of autonomy."

Source: http://www.inspired-by-dreams.com/dreamdictionary/?letter=c#colors

The Car in my dream was a beautiful new Mustang Charger in bright, smooth vibrant purple.

Piano:

"To dream of seeing a piano, denotes some joyful occasion" OR "To find your piano broken and out of tune, portends dissatisfaction with your own accomplishments and disappointment in the failure of your friends or children to win honors."

(Source: http://www.edreaminterpretation.com/piano-3/)

~~~
So what does it mean when a Purple/Indigo Mustang Charger is chugging up a jagged mountain pulling a grand black piano by a chain?

And who/where am I? In my dream I felt I was both the observer  yet I was observing myself.
Perhaps it is my alter ego - observing my spirituality and motivated self attempting to balance and pull behind it/with it some harmony, balance and beauty? However it was an unweildy process.

The chain seemed too precarious and weak; the mountain too jagged, steep and inconvenient; the piano too weighty, dense and burdensome for the struggling car.
It is similar to when you try to get a car deeply stuck in the sand. The wheels keep spinning but it's to no avail.

I was struck by the fact that I was simply sitting there observing the development of the scene while perceiving the imminent danger of the car crashing onto us. Thing is, I've had these types of dreams before and whereas in the past I would experience agony and wake up in fright, this time I took it all very calmly and rationally. Perhaps it's a sign I am learning to take things easy.

Anyhow, it is probably linked to my recent uncertainty about changing some things in my life. This murkiness and uncertainty doesn't feel good - it feels uncomfortable. I like the familiar but at the same time the same things get repetitive and boring. I like changing things and variety, always eager to keep myself stimulated in some way.

I acknowledge that my inner vibration is not keeping pace with the apparent changes that the universe is presenting me. There's no need to be afraid, right?
It all boils down to our attitude and mindset, and how you choose to approach any given issue.

I may be hesitant to take on new challenges and do more activities however it may be better than I imagine once I get started. Perhaps I will really enjoy; I might discover and express different facets of myself that have been laying dormant. I might meet some new individuals who will be beneficial to my further insights, and I can also contribute to their well-being and journey.

My internal vibration just needs to get up to speed with those changes because my rational mind understands that they are GOOD for me...for my mind, my development, my greater good, my better self, to be MORE OF MY GREAT SELF, to be the deeper, truer, more amazing me that I am.

That being said...
I already feel fine and content with myself and my life and thus I do not feel driven to act from a sense of lack, low self-esteem or self-insufficiency.
It would seem like I am thinking of taking on the world but not so...I am simply contemplating:

- Volunteering weekly on Fridays for 2.5 hours.
- Possibly taking a training that will take up the whole weekend and part of Thursday afternoon
- Volunteering
- Taking an online Masters in Education, Teacher course
- Taking a part-time Masters in Ed course in Dubai...it would take 2+ yrs but it can be done.
- Going on Himalayan yoga spiritual retreat in April


For some reason, though, it all just doesn't feel right. The effort, struggle, attempts...ugh. I repels me. I want to take it easy, I want to enjoy, I want to be FREE. I want to enjoy my free time easily and conveniently. I don't want such heavy commitments.

Controlled Chaos: Letting go

After pouring my heart and soul into yesterday's post, one of angst about the future, I finished the day with a sentiment of 'letting go' and leaving it to 'the manager' - the force out there.

There are many circumstance, factors and elements that we cannot influence so the best and probably only thing to do is to focus on what you can control. That is what Steve Covey proposes in his book "7 Habits of Highly Effective (or successful?) people". There is the area of influence and the rest which is out of our influence. Why fret about aspects beyond your control?

For me it's challenging to let go and ignore things that bother me. It's especially true when I care. Guess moving forward I should ask myself, "Do I really care about this??"

Anyways, after facing some anomalous long traffic on the slip road home, I finally reached and realized that I enjoy preparing my dinner and savoring each delightful morsel. I like the routine of my life, I appreciate the small steps for after all it is routine that makes up our daily lives. Even the hard-charging celebrities, officials, businesspeople have certain 'routines'. Even in chaos there is structure.

While I spent the day in a rather sober mindset I concluded the day going through my nightly cleansing bedtime ritual considering that in the end, I hope to at least set up in this life the good steps and deeds that will allow me to enjoy even greater happiness and well-being in the next life. The way things are currently going suit me - I am grateful - and even if I don't fulfill all of my potential in this life, well I have done some neat things thus far and I'm proud and content with that.

We can always get another shot, if you believe in reincarnation, and I believe in it mostly. Giving myself the freedom and ease to let go and allow for the greater things in the next life is liberating. NB. I am not talking about the biblical "next life paradise..." but rather another life spent in the physical realm.
How can I be sure there is a next life? Many little signs and feelings have accumulated so far that I feel it's true for me. And since I am no yogi, certainly not yet, thus the chances of reaching that 'nirvana' and escaping the Wheel of Rebirth are still indeterminate. I'm working with what I have.

Magically, things happen...

• My past life

I think in a past life I was definitely a mother and wife, with maybe 3 kids and a husband whom I loved very much. According to an astrology book I read, in my past life I was too devoted to my husband, self-sacrificing, depended on his validation to feel significant and found it difficult to love me for myself. That sorta feels right because in the early years of my life I definitely felt a very strong desire to have a partner and an agonizing longing for companionship. When I did have a serious relationship I indeed put him first and devoted my heart and soul to him. Having a partner made me feel significant, even if it wasn't a really healthy and positive relationship.

Today I am happy to acknowledge that I feel quite different and am enjoying my life on my own while of course still desiring to meet a special man. The main difference is I don't feel desperation or melancholy longing. It's more like,

"hey, if he shows up that's amazing and awesome, however, in the meanwhile I'm not gonna settle and I just really want to love myself over all other things, have fun and deeply enjoy my life."

///

After yesterday's ruminations, I now feel like I want to simply go with the flow and trust the process of life. Putting the best of myself out there and allowing things to be without exerting force. They say that eventually the things that are really 'you' will match up with your physical/felt reality and you will be in that setting no matter what.

So, if my true ME is to stay in Dubai and develop professionally and financially here, whilst enjoying the lifestyle and freedom, then that is how it will be. If this setting at some point no longer matches/harmonizes with my inner being and inner truth, then the external circumstances will change.

It is all a fluid and evolving scenario - the life experience.

///

• GYM TIME = FUN TIME

I went to the gym this morning and I really had fun. It was Biceps and Triceps with some cardio boosts to get the blood and endorphins pumping. Yay.
I love being around friendly and familiar faces, friends, kind words, positive gestures. It is encouraging and supportive. That's also why I like the gym environment. You consistently show up and you will connect with like-minded folks. Relationships are fluid.
I've been thinking that the ones we experience and ultimately value need not be so deep or what we label as "significant" - even the folks we see fleetingly on an almost daily basis share a relationship with us. There's no need to discriminate, label or rank them. Sure, mostly we want that deeper connection with some or one other...however, when you don't have the opportunity for that, you start to feel like you just need to accept, value and allow the 'lighter' bonds to develop and have merit as are. They are wonderful gifts of life on the expat's journey.

I will say this: Living alone and as an expat obliges/allows you to seek more connections and develop different relationships. When we have our family we are cozier at home and less eager or stirred to forge new connections. At least in my experience.

So I acknowledge and appreciate that this time as single, independent young woman compels me to get out there, mix it up and try different things. And that means I grow, expand, evolve bit by bit.
Shedding the coats of self-protection, doubt, uncertainty, fear and unease.
Allowing self-love, compassion and trust to blossom from within...
Allowing myself to really embrace the elusive concept of 'faith'...
permitting evolution and maturity to settle in...
Learning how to live...
Trying to take it easy and lighten up

My new favorite expression is "Whatever"...I really love to use it when something doesn't quite turn out the way I thought I wanted it to. 

For instance, saw a cute guy that really got your heart pumping - then it turns out he's already in a relationship. 

Bummer...

Whatever! 

It amuses me a lot and I love to embrace this new phrase when it fits the situation - circumstances that don't really matter in the big scheme of things. It's perfect - "whatever".

Getting too complacent? Hesitant about a new challenge.

There is and will always be something lacking, something missing - that which is not had, not yet.

Anyways, what to do? Just focus on what is here now and that is all that matters. 

Recently I've been thinking and wondering if at this stage in my life I've become too complacent, too lazy, too comfortable in my comfort zone.

I love my life, I'm happy with the way I live today. I have a good job, nice friends, a loving family although they are too far away for us to really share and express our love; I have a nice apartment, I have privacy, space, freedom and security; I pamper myself; I exercise as much as I want.

However an unease has crept into my psyche, which the notion that I already attended an Ivy-league undergrad university no longer seems to placate.

A conversation last week with my pseudo-mentor (my boss, unofficially - he isn't aware he's my mentor) got me thinking a lot about what I'm doing with my life, where I want to steer my future and what I want to do after being an Executive Assistant. It's tough for me to answer in details, "What do you want?"

I want to be happy. I want to be healthy, I want to enjoy every day of my life. I want to love and be loved, I want to be protected; I want to thrive and have fun. I want to lead a pleasant, low-stress life; I also want to fulfill my highest potential, I want to feel satisfied and fulfilled with myself, my activities, the work I am doing. I want to live the now  and it's impossible do so when you start thinking about the future!!

Up til last week, 1 week ago exactly, everything was honky-dory. Since then, though, the age-old arduous, didactic and somewhat painful process of 'self-examination' and thinking about my future - next steps - has been pressing my brain.

Suddenly I feel like I'm not doing enough. Like I have to reflect and decide on what my next stage in life will be. It's not easy or simple for me because when it comes to these heavy, important-seeming, self-centered topics I treat it with such importance and like a life-death judgment...I always want important life choices to be perfect - don't we all?

Perhaps time is not wasting away second by second, despite feeling this way. Now is as good a time as ever to take a new step, move ahead and move on with my life.

So what do I do after being an Assistant?

I want many things: I want to be a public speaker, I want to be a teacher, I want to present, I want to help and work with others in a coach/mentor capacity; I want to learn more and be around intellectual people; I want to enhance my vocabulary and I want to once again feel that proper grammar and intelligent discourse is valued and expected, and not fluid or variable.

I want my brain to remain nimble, alert.

I want to make my life and myself significant.
Don't we all?

Today at 27 years old I still have time. However, I'll be honest - I love the comfort of the things I currently enjoy in my life. I love getting regular massages at decent rates, manicure/pedicure at the salon on normal basis, going to the beach on mostly any weekend if I wish; tanning. I love my apartment, cooking my dinner, having the peace, ease and privacy of a professional/adult' lifestyle... I also love sleeping well and peacefully, 7-8hr. If I consider my College experience, it was all rather extreme, stressful, hellish, lonely, and painstaking. However, it was undeniably a necessary experience, and one which I am glad happened back then when it did.

I'm mentioning these things as they contrast with the other, new, intimidating idea I am holding: Going back to graduate school in the US for a degree in International Relations/Policy, International Development/Foreign Service. Typical me, I go big when it comes to education and career...I just don't seem to find a suitable educational option here in the UAE. Once you've attended a very prestigious university you want the same caliber again. No pride or arrogance, just keepin' it real... It's about the quality and substance.

It would be financially significant to go back to school and relinquish a regular paycheck. Then there is the change in weather - in the US Northeast there are 2 meager warm months with remaining year of gloom and cold. I'm just being real, and these are but a few of the several life changes it would represent.

Many times coaches and helpful people will posit: Instead of thinking about what you're losing, think about what you are gaining with this new change.

What would I be gaining?
Continuing my education, deepening professional and academic self-development; working towards a higher level of profession and career; being exposed to new ideas, new people, new places, new challenges.
Perhaps even, an evolved different me?

But to be frank...I'm don't necessarily feel excited about meeting new people although I'm sure we would enjoy meeting each other. New ideas appeal more to me because my brain gets excited with critical thinking stimulus. These are all just words. There are just too many things.

Spiritually - It's said that happiness and peace lie within you, and you bring it to any moment wherever you may be, whatever you might be doing.
So do I need to uproot myself once more for a complete life shift if I can theoretically have that peace already, now? I do feel that satisfaction and peace, yet, I am so young - it feels like it's come relatively soon (thankfully) but then what more can I do with my years on earth?

See, the thing is I don't think about starting a family at all. I do desire to meet my perfect partner and get married, and from there we would share our lives without necessarily having kids. Just the two of us, enjoying life and being the best versions of ourselves in this life.

Since I have not met anyone special in these past 3.5+ years in Dubai, I don't feel like there is anyone I can really call my family here, and that actually makes me feel sad because I realize I don't have a super strong reason to stay here. I have wonderful, kind friends, for sure, however we all know what we mean when we say family - those who live with you each and every day, morning to night, and for women it is the husband. For now my family and roots are in NY, and that's how it will remain until the day I get married, who knows when. Perhaps the reason I have not met anyone special in this place which I love is because I am meant to move on with myself and continue attaining other things, in another place. Well, that also makes me sad and melancholy because it makes me consider leaving this city which I enjoy, and also because it implies that I have more time to wait before I connect with a loving, romantic life partner. I guess I will keep waiting.

Well, enough sad thoughts :)
The new ideas still remain...I am feeling a bit confused about what my next step will be however I am sure I will eventually find some clarity. That's what always happens.
The good thing is I've already experienced such murky, uncertain life-direction experiences, and today I am older and wise, more experienced, and that time of life lived is very helpful.


If I am truly honest with myself, partly I know what I should do, what is right for me. It means giving up all these things I have right now and starting something new, a different place. Like a horse with blinders, I can only see one door into the next room. And I know there are other doors but for some reason I like this door, I am attracted to it - and it is the slightly more complicated one but it's the one that calls out my name.

.......:::::: Jenniferrrrrr :::::.....

Something to consider: Horse Blinders - Without them a horse could run amok.

No matter what, I hope that I have sufficient wisdom and experience to face this new chapter in life with courage, joy, gratitude and a fun attitude. Dear God, one request - Can I at least have fun while I do it all?? :) That would be great.

Let's see what tomorrow brings - hopefully more flashes of insight and greater clarity. I trust myself and I trust that I have great things to express. Things are always working out for me. Bisous xx

"The Gentle Gardener" - poem by J.Arcila

The Gentle Gardener

He's always there,
stroking the green leaves
skilled and dextrous hands
full of peace and benevolence.

He looks up, our gazes meet-
"Good morning, friend"

Such beautiful eyes
this mild, gentle man
Crystal blue or sea green,
as if his inner being has completely subsumed into the garden
and that gives him great peace.

All around him there is silent growth,
the tender essence of nature's vitality.

Today he cuts and prunes,
so tomorrow it may grow.
then again he shall cut and prune
and once more they assume a harmoniously docile ensemble.

Sunlight splashes the leaves, drapes the palms,
Taps the shrubs
infusing each cell with a stellar buoyancy.

The gentle gardener saunters to and fro,
full of a slow determination,
an apprentice to God's work.

Nature's Beauty & Bounty. Source: http://thebressinghamgardens.com/the-gardens/

Self-experimentation: Decaf

Sometimes Mother Nature has other plans in store for us all. 

Today is shaping up to be a wonderful day so far - it's the first of the week, and while Sundays (Mondays) can have us feeling a bit disoriented, dazed or fatigued, I've been noticing the recently I am really well prepped for the beginning of the new work week. It feels great.

I think it's because I have good weekends, really enjoyable weekends, and thus I feel refreshed and eager to resume a new work week. Sometimes I feel like the weekly cycles are just that - cycles. A cycle is inherently repetitive...so in order to redirect sensations of ennui, I've been listening to motivational podcasts, uplifting information and thus helping myself to view each day in a positive light. Specifically, that each day is full of new potential, surprises, unexplored possibilities and brimming with my creative capacity. I think that each day can be made even more significant and unique by creating something new. Perhaps writing a new poem, a new blog entry, a new article, or for those who are more artistic - creating a piece of art or taking some pictures that represent an artistic view on things that others may not capture at first glance.

I was hoping to go rollerblading this morning for a change however it was raining quite heavily and thus plans changed. I still had a window of opportunity to get a workout in, if only I scooted to the gym. I had an awesome HIIT cardio session on the treadmill, 45mins and I felt really uplifted. I normally prefer to workout for 1.5 hours to feel like I'm doing something, however, the experts all agree - you should workout even when you're strapped for time: 15min, 20 mins, 30mins... So considering I had 1 hour, it was an opportunity goldmine. 

You just have to identify, decide and go for it.

DECAF COFFEE EXPERIMENT

Since last week I am trying to stay on decaf coffee in the morning pre-workout to see what changes I experience in my body and mood. Caffeine causes our adrenal system to get into high-gear in order to clean it out of system. Add to that the stress and cortisol induced by exercise, work stress, relationship and life/road stress, and you can see how adrenal fatigue easily manifests and can take a toll unless you actively apply relaxation techniques (yoga, meditation, deep breathing, massage, and such). 

Adrenal fatigue impacts energy levels and also sleep. And so, last week I had decaf coffee Friday-Wednesday. Everyone says that missing your regular cup o'Joe will make you feel cranky, moody or else "not yourself". I admit, the first 2-3 days that I was going sans-caffeine I did feel slightly moodier, 'off' and like I was missing that extra zest or fire. In fact, one of my friends noticed during our lunch together that my eyes were a bit tired, as if I had not slept well. I had slept just fine, however it was my first workday without the caffeine. Anyhow, I just got on with it. The more we live, the more I realize that you just have to crack on and not get too attached to a minor physical temporary discomfort since it's ephemeral, and there will be discomforts anyways so it's more about the mental strength of facing that unease, accepting it and overcoming it/moving past it.

In terms of exercise:  At first, in the beginning of my workout I was a bit calmer than usual however by the time I was 30mins in, I was energized as I normally am and pushed on. In any case, I rationalized that in reality the energy for the weight I'm moving comes from muscle glycogen stores, and these were replenished since I have my oats pre-workout. So basically, I can manage well w/Decaf coffee before a workout. Yes, Caffeine has that desirable fat-burning mechanism...well, I just have to trust that I am working out and giving it my best shot to build muscle which will in turn increase my metabolically active lean body mass and thus burn more calories and fat overall throughout the day.

It's recommended to avoid caffeine after your workout because your body's cortisol levels have been elevated by the exercise and thus you want to avoid further increasing cortisol production since it wouldn't be beneficial in the post-workout window.

Excessively elevated Cortisol --> Belly fat!

How I felt after 6 days caffeine-free:

Wednesday night, Feb 5, completing the 6th day caf-free, I slept amazingly well. So deep, full and wonderfully. I awakened on Thursday eager and joyous to seize the day and attack my full-body circuit workout. It was awesome.

These days, I am really well-energized for my workouts and sleeping well. Overall, I think comes down to prioritizing sleep 7-8 hours per night, cutting the caffeine, and I also take Valerian Root, 5-HTP, and Magnesium at night pre-bedtime. Keeping a regular, consistent sleep/wake schedule might also be beneficial since the body is allowed to maintain a healthy, stable rhythm of bodily processes. I also don't smoke or drink alcohol...

The oats+protein powder pre-workout are my staple now in the morning, and it's been really pleasant to have this meal in my nutrition. I added the oats (30g carbs) on December 17, 2013 (almost 2 full months ago) after reading Layne Norton's article "The Ultimate Cutting Guide". So let's see. Since then, I've also incorporated 1 TB milled flaxseed and 3g Black Chia Seeds into the Oats to deepen the nutrition and make the plain oats more exciting. I add 1/4 Tsp Sea Salt and mix different spices such as nutmeg, all-spice, cloves, cardamom, coriander, and cinnamon of course!

Oats are yummy and good all around. Simple, quick and nutritious - a real power-food in my kitchen.

Other power-foods in my kitchen aka favorites:

- Chia seeds, flaxseed, coconut oil, coconut butter (manna), cinnamon, dark unsweetened cocoa, celery, spinach, ginger, nuts, and Raw Protein powder (although I love the other commercial protein powders that are not so chemical-free). These are the ones that first come to mind.

Eating well and nutritiously is satisfying, fulfilling and medicinal - I love it! 

Hippocrates: “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food”

Living on Repeat? Repetition, Passion, Creativity

Each day feels like a new beginning and a new blessing. However, there are some days when I wake up and it also feels like I'm on 'repeat'. I asked my friends if they feel the same way sometimes, and it turns out I'm not the only one with the "Groundhog Day" syndrome (reference to Bill Murray's 1993 Classic "Groundhog Day" movie, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107048/"

I remember watching that movie as a little girl, I was 7, and it was entertaining then, although I wasn't old enough to appreciate that the movie was artfully and comically illustrating the sensation of living life on repeat.It seems that routine is inevitable once you get settled into life, and even when you add variety to the mix, even then there is routine and a cyclical nature to the routine. 

Even variety has a routine, and that's part of life.

Most days I don't wake up feeling like it's the same day; actually 95% of the time I awaken with eagerness, gratitude and appreciation that it's a new day, a new beginning, a fresh start. I am always enthused to prepare my coffee, take my supplements/vitamins, and have my pre-workout outs while listening to an interesting podcast, Ted Talk or other enlightening/entertaining YouTube video. Mornings are awesome. You are fresh, and anything is possible. Indeed, the world in this one day is brimming with potential and surprises.

The moments when I feel like I'm repeating life is when I experience lesser passion or excitement for some reason; perhaps lacking the excitement of romance  :-) Romance is definitely exciting. I love me some good, yummy, exhilarating, heart-rate pumping, butterflies-in-your-stomach romance.

The most important thing to appreciate is that life is what we make it, each day is our own creation and it comes down to including in it some of the main activities we enjoy. Even while we have to work, and we are not all doing something that fills us with joy or passion - it's a job to live and pay the bills - we can still manage to include activities that please us. Sometimes that means sacrificing here and there. 
For instance, I love to train to I wake up earlier than I need to so I can dedicate enough time to training before work. 
Training before work gives me relief and satisfaction which I carry in my spirit for the rest of the day. It's swell. 

As I'm preparing to leave the office now, another day completed work-wise,  I acknowledge I had completely new experiences, new thoughts, new sensations. Some of it had to do with conversations and also with how I view certain relationships and people I see every day, or almost daily.

We can definitely expand each day, and that means each day is unique and thus not a mere repetition. It comes down to how far our mind chooses to plunge into the day's opportunities and how far it will be open to creating, or entering, new circumstances. 

I constantly affirm to the universe that I am open to the circumstances, ideas, thoughts, people and situations that will enhance my quality of life, my personal development and my ability to continue living authentically and joyfully.

I am not so clear yet what I will be doing in 1 year, and certainly not in 3 years, or 5. However, I'm taking it by the day, toddler steps, whilst understanding that I am already an adult, I have established a very solid foundation through education, work experience and the current resources/support my company is offering me. This means I can accelerate and move faster than otherwise...This means I have an opportunity at my fingertips.
I want to seize the opportunity and really evolve to be an even better, stronger and joyful, resplendent, fulfilled person. To utilize my qualities and skills, all of them, applying them in a useful, enjoyable and satisfying way, whilst enjoying life and the people with whom I share it.

This is the wish I've already submitted to the Universe and I know it hears me loud and clear - she hears me each and every time...The other key ingredient is for me to align my energy, to align my own self to allow in what the universe is wanting to give me, and to accept in eagerness, enthusiasm and grace (rather than overwhelming myself).

I want to channel my creativity in a useful, fun, enjoyable, creative, content-producing way. And to have a life-long passion I can pursue professionally, and delight in every second that I'm doing so.


///


ps.
5 Feb 2013 - The workout! 6:45-8:15am

Upper body morning workout, following Jamie Eason's 30-Day Total-Body WO: 
Seated DB Shoulder Press - 15lbx10r 
DB Skullcrushers - 15lb/hand x10r + Narrow hold Chest pumps, 20x 
DB Lateral Raises - 10lbx12r, 12, 15 
Rear Delt DB Flyes, incline bench - 15lb x 15r 
Wide Grip Lat Pull-down - 55x12, 60lb x10, 60 x10, 65 x10r 
Reverse Grip Pull-Down - 110 x12, 120x10, 130x10 DB Curls - 2s: 15lb x12, 15lbx10, 15lbx20 Rope Bicep Curl: 2 sets, 60 x10r 
Spider Bicep Curl: 2sets, 15lb x 10 
Preacher Curl: 15lb x6, 10lb x20 
Bike Crunch - 3sets x25 
Mountain Climbers - 3sets x30 
Burpees - 3sets x 10

The hi-volume approach is targeting accelerating metabolism ergo fat burn. Awesome! 
I definitely feel it in my shoulders and back right now. :-) 
Happy training, y'all!!!
 ///