After pouring my heart and soul into yesterday's post, one of angst about the future, I finished the day with a sentiment of 'letting go' and leaving it to 'the manager' - the force out there.
There are many circumstance, factors and elements that we cannot influence so the best and probably only thing to do is to focus on what you can control. That is what Steve Covey proposes in his book "7 Habits of Highly Effective (or successful?) people". There is the area of influence and the rest which is out of our influence. Why fret about aspects beyond your control?
For me it's challenging to let go and ignore things that bother me. It's especially true when I care. Guess moving forward I should ask myself, "Do I really care about this??"
Anyways, after facing some anomalous long traffic on the slip road home, I finally reached and realized that I enjoy preparing my dinner and savoring each delightful morsel. I like the routine of my life, I appreciate the small steps for after all it is routine that makes up our daily lives. Even the hard-charging celebrities, officials, businesspeople have certain 'routines'. Even in chaos there is structure.
While I spent the day in a rather sober mindset I concluded the day going through my nightly cleansing bedtime ritual considering that in the end, I hope to at least set up in this life the good steps and deeds that will allow me to enjoy even greater happiness and well-being in the next life. The way things are currently going suit me - I am grateful - and even if I don't fulfill all of my potential in this life, well I have done some neat things thus far and I'm proud and content with that.
We can always get another shot, if you believe in reincarnation, and I believe in it mostly. Giving myself the freedom and ease to let go and allow for the greater things in the next life is liberating. NB. I am not talking about the biblical "next life paradise..." but rather another life spent in the physical realm.
How can I be sure there is a next life? Many little signs and feelings have accumulated so far that I feel it's true for me. And since I am no yogi, certainly not yet, thus the chances of reaching that 'nirvana' and escaping the Wheel of Rebirth are still indeterminate. I'm working with what I have.
I think in a past life I was definitely a mother and wife, with maybe 3 kids and a husband whom I loved very much. According to an astrology book I read, in my past life I was too devoted to my husband, self-sacrificing, depended on his validation to feel significant and found it difficult to love me for myself. That sorta feels right because in the early years of my life I definitely felt a very strong desire to have a partner and an agonizing longing for companionship. When I did have a serious relationship I indeed put him first and devoted my heart and soul to him. Having a partner made me feel significant, even if it wasn't a really healthy and positive relationship.
Today I am happy to acknowledge that I feel quite different and am enjoying my life on my own while of course still desiring to meet a special man. The main difference is I don't feel desperation or melancholy longing. It's more like,
///
After yesterday's ruminations, I now feel like I want to simply go with the flow and trust the process of life. Putting the best of myself out there and allowing things to be without exerting force. They say that eventually the things that are really 'you' will match up with your physical/felt reality and you will be in that setting no matter what.
So, if my true ME is to stay in Dubai and develop professionally and financially here, whilst enjoying the lifestyle and freedom, then that is how it will be. If this setting at some point no longer matches/harmonizes with my inner being and inner truth, then the external circumstances will change.
///
I went to the gym this morning and I really had fun. It was Biceps and Triceps with some cardio boosts to get the blood and endorphins pumping. Yay.
I love being around friendly and familiar faces, friends, kind words, positive gestures. It is encouraging and supportive. That's also why I like the gym environment. You consistently show up and you will connect with like-minded folks. Relationships are fluid.
I've been thinking that the ones we experience and ultimately value need not be so deep or what we label as "significant" - even the folks we see fleetingly on an almost daily basis share a relationship with us. There's no need to discriminate, label or rank them. Sure, mostly we want that deeper connection with some or one other...however, when you don't have the opportunity for that, you start to feel like you just need to accept, value and allow the 'lighter' bonds to develop and have merit as are. They are wonderful gifts of life on the expat's journey.
I will say this: Living alone and as an expat obliges/allows you to seek more connections and develop different relationships. When we have our family we are cozier at home and less eager or stirred to forge new connections. At least in my experience.
So I acknowledge and appreciate that this time as single, independent young woman compels me to get out there, mix it up and try different things. And that means I grow, expand, evolve bit by bit.
Shedding the coats of self-protection, doubt, uncertainty, fear and unease.
Allowing self-love, compassion and trust to blossom from within...
Allowing myself to really embrace the elusive concept of 'faith'...
permitting evolution and maturity to settle in...
Learning how to live...
Trying to take it easy and lighten up
It amuses me a lot and I love to embrace this new phrase when it fits the situation - circumstances that don't really matter in the big scheme of things. It's perfect - "whatever".
There are many circumstance, factors and elements that we cannot influence so the best and probably only thing to do is to focus on what you can control. That is what Steve Covey proposes in his book "7 Habits of Highly Effective (or successful?) people". There is the area of influence and the rest which is out of our influence. Why fret about aspects beyond your control?
For me it's challenging to let go and ignore things that bother me. It's especially true when I care. Guess moving forward I should ask myself, "Do I really care about this??"
Anyways, after facing some anomalous long traffic on the slip road home, I finally reached and realized that I enjoy preparing my dinner and savoring each delightful morsel. I like the routine of my life, I appreciate the small steps for after all it is routine that makes up our daily lives. Even the hard-charging celebrities, officials, businesspeople have certain 'routines'. Even in chaos there is structure.
While I spent the day in a rather sober mindset I concluded the day going through my nightly cleansing bedtime ritual considering that in the end, I hope to at least set up in this life the good steps and deeds that will allow me to enjoy even greater happiness and well-being in the next life. The way things are currently going suit me - I am grateful - and even if I don't fulfill all of my potential in this life, well I have done some neat things thus far and I'm proud and content with that.
We can always get another shot, if you believe in reincarnation, and I believe in it mostly. Giving myself the freedom and ease to let go and allow for the greater things in the next life is liberating. NB. I am not talking about the biblical "next life paradise..." but rather another life spent in the physical realm.
How can I be sure there is a next life? Many little signs and feelings have accumulated so far that I feel it's true for me. And since I am no yogi, certainly not yet, thus the chances of reaching that 'nirvana' and escaping the Wheel of Rebirth are still indeterminate. I'm working with what I have.
 |
| Magically, things happen... |
My past life
I think in a past life I was definitely a mother and wife, with maybe 3 kids and a husband whom I loved very much. According to an astrology book I read, in my past life I was too devoted to my husband, self-sacrificing, depended on his validation to feel significant and found it difficult to love me for myself. That sorta feels right because in the early years of my life I definitely felt a very strong desire to have a partner and an agonizing longing for companionship. When I did have a serious relationship I indeed put him first and devoted my heart and soul to him. Having a partner made me feel significant, even if it wasn't a really healthy and positive relationship.
Today I am happy to acknowledge that I feel quite different and am enjoying my life on my own while of course still desiring to meet a special man. The main difference is I don't feel desperation or melancholy longing. It's more like,
"hey, if he shows up that's amazing and awesome, however, in the meanwhile I'm not gonna settle and I just really want to love myself over all other things, have fun and deeply enjoy my life."
///
After yesterday's ruminations, I now feel like I want to simply go with the flow and trust the process of life. Putting the best of myself out there and allowing things to be without exerting force. They say that eventually the things that are really 'you' will match up with your physical/felt reality and you will be in that setting no matter what.
So, if my true ME is to stay in Dubai and develop professionally and financially here, whilst enjoying the lifestyle and freedom, then that is how it will be. If this setting at some point no longer matches/harmonizes with my inner being and inner truth, then the external circumstances will change.
It is all a fluid and evolving scenario - the life experience.
///
GYM TIME = FUN TIME
I went to the gym this morning and I really had fun. It was Biceps and Triceps with some cardio boosts to get the blood and endorphins pumping. Yay.
I love being around friendly and familiar faces, friends, kind words, positive gestures. It is encouraging and supportive. That's also why I like the gym environment. You consistently show up and you will connect with like-minded folks. Relationships are fluid.
I've been thinking that the ones we experience and ultimately value need not be so deep or what we label as "significant" - even the folks we see fleetingly on an almost daily basis share a relationship with us. There's no need to discriminate, label or rank them. Sure, mostly we want that deeper connection with some or one other...however, when you don't have the opportunity for that, you start to feel like you just need to accept, value and allow the 'lighter' bonds to develop and have merit as are. They are wonderful gifts of life on the expat's journey.
I will say this: Living alone and as an expat obliges/allows you to seek more connections and develop different relationships. When we have our family we are cozier at home and less eager or stirred to forge new connections. At least in my experience.
So I acknowledge and appreciate that this time as single, independent young woman compels me to get out there, mix it up and try different things. And that means I grow, expand, evolve bit by bit.
Shedding the coats of self-protection, doubt, uncertainty, fear and unease.
Allowing self-love, compassion and trust to blossom from within...
Allowing myself to really embrace the elusive concept of 'faith'...
permitting evolution and maturity to settle in...
Learning how to live...
Trying to take it easy and lighten up
My new favorite expression is "Whatever"...I really love to use it when something doesn't quite turn out the way I thought I wanted it to.
For instance, saw a cute guy that really got your heart pumping - then it turns out he's already in a relationship.
Bummer...
Whatever!
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